My Eyes Fill with Embers

woo hoo got the 18th off, Horrow Fest!!!!

just so yall know, the new Hatebreed is fucking sick and is probably one of their best CDs. It's called Supremicy.... go buy it

Ever wondered who the REAL WORST PEOPLE IN AMERICA were? well, Cone is back with all the answers, so without further adue (adew, ado, adooooooo?).... here are the still living but hopefully dead soon WORST PEOPLE IN THE AMERICA!!!! Here are my 3 - 5th picks, but you'll have to wait for the 1st and 2nd.... as I am still picking through a rather large list to determine that!

So enjoy these for now

#5 - The producers, participants, and viewers of AMERICAN IDOL! After season 1, when clearly the more middle-talents of the show made it to the final rounds it had become quite clear to me that American Idol is more or less the Pro Wrestling of pop music on television. Ballet after ballet of horrifyingly sung covers by Americans who are clearly dominantly upper class (dispite the show's claim of making the American Dream come true.... but for only those who are already living it) quickly sped this television show into American pop culture... and what a surprise? Pop Culture of the 21st centure focuses on nothing less but destroying what was left of the hope of finding an actually genuine person out there. Although people spend money obsessively casting their votes for who they think should win, these votes are actually not counted for anything... and the reason you REALLY vote is because Fox and American Idol have a secretive (but findable) contract with Cingular and it's allies. Every vote you cast for the show simply goes towards the pay roll of a) the show's producers and b) cell phone companies.... however the entire show is almost totally scripted in fact, it is many times more scripted than even PRO WRESTLING. What's this all come down to? American Idol has nothing to do with the American Dream, it's all about controlling America's pop culture, making money, and keeping all the unsuspecting and easily tricked Americans watching. Because of all the damage the show does to quality of life as a whole, I believe American Idol and everything to do with it, including its viewers, make a good choice for #5 worst PEOPLE in America.

#4 - Brittany Spears! For a few years I tried to give this ditzy teenie bopper star the benefit of the doubt... even with all the lip sincing and not writing her own songs (not even one of them!). However, the last couple years the shit has hit the fan! Brittany Spears has proven to be nothing more than trailor park trash with good producers, except now she is simply trailor park trash with a declining fan base of preteen boys who sport increasingly womanly haircuts. Even when given the opportunity to prove that she is more human than hot air, she instead never fails to spew out time and time again a bunch of ignorant BS using less than primetive vocabulary and clearly proves that she is even more out of touch with reality than Michael Jackson. Hey, at least he realises he needs to move to another country to be himself! Brittany Spears.... #4 worst person in America!!!

#3 - Paris Hilton! In several interviews and magezines, she has bragged saying this exact statement : "I am so good and my new album is so good it makes me cry!' Now let me read you a lyric from her already released new single : "Stretch my ass you know I want it" On top of this, Paris also recently claimed, in trying to defend her lack of intelligence, that she attended a "high class catholic school next door to Harvard University." Immediately knowing this could not be, I Google Earthed the area around Harvard University just to find out that there is no catholic high schools near it. On top of this, being a former resident of New Milford, CT... I also already knew that she attended Canterbury High School and got kicked out for getting caught having sex for marijuana and speed. To make matters worse, Miss Hilton recently took a trip to Brazil and then her first words when back in Ameirca was "it's quite unpleasant to be somewhere who's LANGUAGE, YES LANGUAGE.... IS S O V I O L E N T" WHAT??? How can a language be "VIOLENT!?!?" She further explained that she was not racist, but believes that African Americans should get twice the pay of white or even native Americans because of "what this country has done to them." On a political talk show in 2002 that I happened to be watching, when she was asked if middle class Americans need to be protected more than they are from poverty and should get more benefits to prevent going bankrupt, she responded by stating that she thinks there should be NO middle class because middle class America encourages "bringing mankind back to the stone age" and "listens to primetive hate music". Without further adew, ado, or adoooooooo.... however it might be spelled.... PARIS HILTON!!!!! Number 3 worst person in America!!!!!

got my license today.... perfect score on the written and one thing wrong on the driving part.... stupid forgetting to signal during a K turn

also went to ozzfest Sunday.... a pretty good show alot of intensity with all the bands... even Disturbed which is surprising considering their music sucks on CD, but live they weren't bad this time around. Hatebreed, Full Blown Chaos, Unearth, Bleeding Through, and System of a Down all put on the best performances of the night.... there was only 3 really poor performances.... these were Bad Acid Trip, Lacuna Coil, and Black Label Society. That was to be expected though.... most disappointing? well Dragonforce pretty much had a "flat" performance energy-wise... plus not many people there were going to see the new Iron Maiden, they were going to see either SOAD, Disturbed, the hardcore bands or all... but nobody seemed to really go FOR Dragonforce in any way and they pretty much got the most boos. Much of this is the crowd's stupidity, but some of it really was that they just didn't seem to put much energy in what they placed even though they made absolutely no mistakes which is amazing considering the guitar/keytar work in their songs.

anyway, make plans? leave me some love

"A Better Place, A Better Time"

and so she wakes
up
in time to break down
she left a note up on the dresser
and she's
right on time
you don't know anything
right or wrong
i said i
know
and she said so
i want to panic
but i've had it
so i go
you
don't owe anything to anyone

but don't take your life
because it's all
that you've got
you'd be better off just up and leaving
if you don't think
they will stop

and when you wake up
everything is going to be
fine
i guarantee that you wake up in a better place
and in a better
time
so you're tired of living
and you feel like you might give in
well
don't
it's not your time

looking through the paper today
looking
for a specific page
don't want to find her full name followed by
dates
because when i left her alone
she made a sound, like a
moan
"you're known by everyone for everything you've done"
fuck buying
flowers for graves
i'd rather buy you a one way non-stop
to
anywhere
find anyone
do anything
forget and start again, love
she
said she won't go
and that's that
it hurts too much to stand by
you've
got to stop and draw a line
and everyone here has to choose a side
tonight
the moment of truth is haunting you
don't forget your
family
regardless of what you choose to do
you can't decide
and they're
screaming "why won't you?"
i'll start the engine but i can't take this ride
for you
i'll draw the bath and i'll load your gun
but i hope so bad that
you bathe and hunt

annie's tired of forgetting about today and always
planning for tomorrow (tomorrow)
annie says "the saddest day i came acrosss
was when i learned that life goes on without me" (without me)
annie says "if
everyone has someone else, then i ain't got nobody's love to save me" (save
me)
annie says "i think i'll pass away tonight, because it seems i'll never
get it right if it's just me" (just me)

and when you wake
up
everything is going to be fine
i guarantee that you wake up in a better
place
and in a better time
so you're tired of living
and you feel like
you might give in
well don't
it's not your time

annie says she
wouldn't mind if they never find a cure for all her problems (her
problems)
annie says as long as she has someone near to make it clear she
does not need to solve them (solve them)
"oh, this loneliness is killing
me
it's filling me with anger and resentment (resentment)
i'm turning into
someone that i never thought i'd have to be again"

and when you wake
up
everything is going to be fine
i guarantee that you wake up in a better
place
and in a better time
so you're tired of living
and you feel like
you might give in
well don't
it's not your time

annie's tired of
forgetting about today and always planning for tomorrow (tomorrow)
annie says
"the saddest day i came acrosss was when i learned that life goes on without me"
(without me)
annie says "if everyone has someone else, then i ain't got
nobody's love to save me" (save me)
annie says "i think i'll pass away
tonight, because it seems i'll never get it right if it's just me" (just
me)

and when you wake up
everything is going to be fine
i guarantee
that you wake up in a better place
and in a better time
so you're tired of
living
and you feel like you might give in
well don't
it's not your
time

and even if it was
i wouldn't let you go
you could run run run
run but i will follow close
someday you will say "that's it, that's
all"
but i'll be waiting there with open arms to break your fall
i know
that you think that you're on your own
but just know that i'm here
and
i'll lead you home
if you let me
she said "forget me"
but i can't

i sit here clutching useless lists
and keys for doors that don't exist
i
crack my teeth on pearls
i tear into the history
just show me what it
means to me in this world

'cause i am due for a miracle
i'm waiting
for a sign
i'll stare straight into the sun
and i won't close my eyes

'til i understand or go blind

i see the parts but not the whole

i study saints and scholars both
no perfect plan unfurls
do i trust
my heart or just my mind
why is truth so hard to find in this world
yeah
in this world

'cause i am due for a miracle
i'm waiting for a sign

i'll stare straight into the sun
and i won't close my eyes
'til i
understand or go blind

i know that there's a point I've missed
a
shrine or stone i haven't kissed
a scar that never graced my wrist
a
mirror that hasn't met my fist
but i can't help feeling that i'm

due
for a miracle
i'm waiting for a sign
i'll stare straight into the sun

and i won't close my eyes

so after I had surgery on my hernia's, I felt alot better for about 2 weeks but then I started to feel down in the dumps again. I couldn't figure out why, but early last week I came down with a 103 fever and then the next night it was a little over 104.... and ever sinse then I've had a fever. I went to the doctor on Friday and he said I tested posetive for strep throat and that it was affecting my kidneys a little bit. Here we are almost a week later, the anti-biotics aren't working and my kidneys are half shut down. They said they can't figure out whats causing it all, but they also said my left tonsil is literally taking up 70% of my airways and I have to go back to the doctor's today to get anti-biotics put in with an IV to make the swelling go down before my breathing is impared even more than it is. Honestly I think I have mono, but the doctors seem baffled about a few things and my kidneys really should not be having this much trouble working properly. I don't know, I'm worried and I've been sick or medically impared sinse my birthday. God needs to evolve our bodies like now.

i'm tired of being discriminated against. If you don't want to treat me with the same respect as you used to, simply because I'm a guy and your boyfriends have all sucked.... well then just spit in my face and tell me our friendship is over, I won't accept anything less.

i DESERVE better, and i know it

what's even the point of keeping me around if I'm just "another guy" now....

I can feel several decision coming on, and I am trying to prepare for the situation. But first, wanna hear some crap? Tabitha just got a job as a secretary for some famous country singer. Her office is literally a little larger than the library of the NM High School. Not only that, but she gets her home expenses PAID FOR!!!!!! The only thing she has to pay for is food.

Canada definately gets another Brownie point, or at least somewhere far away like Texas or Arizona, maybe Cali or NC.

I'm not jelous, just feel a little short changed in comparison.

My dad is thinking of moving back to New Milford with Stephanie, and with Tabitha out of the house I can live with him again. What worries me is the possibility of not finding a new job easily, so I should start looking now. Last time I lived there, finding a job unless you were in school/graduated was virtually impossible. Maybe it was just me though. I could also stay with my mom and keep my current job, but she is also thinking of moving back eventually. It all comes down to Stephanie, my dad works too much to keep an eye on her. I'm not going to let her go without some kind of guidance, and my dad just sucks at giving guidance to kids... once you get a little older that's a different story. Either way, he works 70 hours a week and is never there, and I sure as hell want to be around to stop anything sketchy from going on like if my sister starts becoming another Steph Tozzie or Trisha Gage there's going to be heads breaking. So adding it all up, yes there's a good possibility of me coming back.


Looking further ahead though, unless something happens some kind of miricle to make it easier to live around here, I'll be heading either north to Canada or south to America's simple life.


Besides, outside of my small bubble of friends, what do I have here? I get short ended by everyone I know with half a dozen exceptions. It's bullshit. It's partially college's fault though, and this is why I hate it... it basically just creates a new society, excluding those not part of it. Most people who don't go to college will lose most of their friends who do. It's a gay waste of money specifically designed to seperate social class. I bet most professors don't even know the game they've become.
(but then again, i suppose that's what you want)

and then it's partially my fault for not preventing it


Summer is approaching =)

The "Kristen Answer Your Bleeping IMs" Rap... it wasn't that crucial but it was fun writing it, so i went with it... hope you are all entertained

ERASEtoIMPROVE: ohhhh not answering masta cone huh? you beefin? you wanna drop the gloves? i see i see, you think you big, you think you big nigga? i'll slash you, you don't knowwww bout da hood, up there in da pro-jects of railroad street, New Milfhizzle, thats with an O-R-D nigga... we packin heat, you think you can stand up to us? you betta bring yo guns nigga, bring yo guns and yo homiez and even yo hoz, negro cones n hiz beefin gangstaz til midnight r gunna run a train on yo hoz, so pack dat heat like you say you do, hit dat ego, hit clowd 9 coz in da end, itz gonna be me still standin up above it all, my nigga! ABOVE IT!!! and I will still say ANSWER YOUR IMS PLEASE..... thank you, sinserely negro cone

ERASEtoIMPROVE: fine then, looks like ill have to post that rap on all my blogs